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“WHEN you are that deep in depression you are just not thinking rationally and you just want to escape. I wanted to end my life and I thought of many options but they all had pain and I didn’t want any pain, I guess I was a coward, so I decided to use heroin and just go to sleep. I was a police officer and it was a dumb move to use heroin, but I didn’t think I’d be around afterwards to worry about drug charges.”
Liam Garment used to be known as Anthony Garment, or Tony to his friends, but after a decade of demons he wanted to move on with his life and start a fresh from the hell he had endured.
Yesterday he was contacted by the Daily Telegraph about his past and he answered their questions, but he is angered his past is being dragged up two days before the election for cheap political point scoring, so he spoke to scone.com.au to tell his full story.
At the age of 19 Liam had become a New South Wales police officer and he was gay.
Liam was never HIV positive, but in the late 80’s and early 90’s many people thought being gay was synonymous with AIDS.
It was an era when people were terrified of the new disease AIDS and there were all kinds of misconceptions about the disease which we would now find ridiculous, but the fear then was real.
Liam remembers other police officers refusing to work with him in case they contracted AIDS, they told him they wouldn’t render him assistance if he was injured in the line off duty, they would refuse to be in a car with him, again Liam is NOT HIV positive, he was merely gay.
The police force was no better or worse than other areas of society at the time, simply reflective of broader social ignorance and discrimination towards gay people.
Liam had been working in a regional area so the police force moved him to the city where there were more gay officers, in the hope that they would have some solidarity.
John Marsden, a high-profile Sydney based solicitor who has since passed away, was on the Police Board at the time when Liam was transferred and took a special interest in the human rights cases of gay and lesbian police at the time.
John offered Liam support and over the years they became friends.
“Unfortunately, even in Sydney the discrimination still existed and as a young person you just keep spiralling down, going through an incredibly difficult time every day I went to work,” said Liam.
“John encouraged me to take matters to the human rights commission, saying it was the only way the police force would change if we all started standing up, but as soon as he lodged the complaint for me I was targeted.
“Everything became so much worse and I ended up going on stress leave for nine months.
“A couple of months into the stress leave police questioned me after they saw me sitting in a car with Rebecca Bernauder.
“I knew Rebecca from the streets of Kings Cross, she was a nice girl who had been a school prefect, but things went wrong in her life and things changed for the worse for her and she ended up on the streets as a prostitute.
“I knew lots of prostitutes in those days, obviously I was gay and there was nothing going on, but I never judged them, because I treat people as they treat me.
“She wasn’t a close friend or anything, but I often spoke with Rebecca when I saw her or gave her a lift, she was always kind to me so I treat people as I find them.
“The police let her go from the car and took me back to the police station to question me about what I was doing in the car with her.
“I answered all their questions and they then tried to allege I had been using amphetamines with her in the car, which just wasn’t true and they found nothing in the car or on us.
“Then two weeks later the police raided my home that I shared with two other people and again they found nothing, but they took me back to Surry Hills police station for questioning.
“They then said Rebecca has testified that I had possessed and supplied amphetamines to her, I knew it wasn’t true, but I then had to fight those charges and I called John.
“So for the next 18 months the charges hung over my head.
“The police prosecution had the deputy director of public prosecutions run their case, so John Marsden arranged for a QC (Queen’s Counsel) to run mine.
“Two weeks before Rebecca was due to give evidence I read in the paper that she had been murdered, I was shocked and saddened, I hadn’t harboured any ill feelings towards her because I knew the truth and knew she must have been put in a position where she felt lying to police and saying there were drugs that night in the car must have made her life easier with them in some other way.
“But it was after her death that I hit rock bottom and I wanted to take my own life.
“That was when I went to the Newcastle train station to buy heroin and I wanted to overdose and just go to sleep to escape all of the pain.
“The last thing I remember was sitting down on the train and I am told I died, but an ambulance had given me a shot and saved my life.
“Because I had used heroin to try and take my life I then ended up in court, but thankfully the judge found I was not a danger to the public and dismissed the charges.
“I deeply regret buying heroin to end my life, but I was at such a low point I could not see straight.
“And I did attempt suicide a couple of times during that period.
“When I went to court the police started to give their evidence and it all conflicted to the point where the judge found that the charges were ‘without prima facie’ that means the judge had said there was no grounds to even bring me to court on those charges, there was nothing for him to even consider, he didn’t need to hear any testimony from me and it was thrown out.
“But there was so much damage that had been done.
“Fortunately the person who murdered the poor girl was found and I was no longer a suspect, but it had all taken a huge toll on me.
“Reverend Fred Nile had stood up in Parliament and vilified me, there had been media reports and the fact that the judge said I had absolutely no case to answer meant nothing to some people.
“I spoke to John and told him I wanted to get out of the police force, I wanted to drop the matters at the Human Rights Commission and I wanted a fresh start.
“He supported my decision, recommended I meet with Christine Nixon and change my name.
“Christine was an absolutely incredible lady and Victoria was eventually lucky to end up having her as their Police Commissioner.
“I told her my whole story, she was wonderful and at the end of our conversation I handed her my resignation and went on to start my new life,” said Liam Garment.
For the last six years Liam Garment has been living with his good friend in Merriwa and is now running a local café.
He feels his traumatic past has made him a stronger person and he is lucky to have come out the other side as so many people don’t.
“I am one of the lucky ones I had the support of loving family and friends and I have a great doctor who supports me with proper treatment for depression,” he said.
“I worry about young people who are bullied and subjected to discrimination, I worry about youth suicide because I have been there,” he said.
He is still passionate about social justice and recently decided to run for local Council, but yesterday he had a call from the Daily Telegraph asking about his past.
“I love Merriwa and I love many of the people in it, I live my life with honesty and even in the darkest times I was honest and I have nothing to hide even today,” said Liam.
“If people want to ask me questions I will answer honestly, but I am angry that there are people who want to rehash my darkest days as some cheap political point scoring,” he said.
“I actually feel sorry for them and I wonder what negative things are going on in their life that they get enjoyment out of trying to hurt other people, if only they put that energy into positive things.
“I am strong now, but I worry that if these people did this to someone else, tried to destroy their reputation that it could result in a terrible outcome.
“I am a good person and the NSW Justice department thinks I’m a good person.
“I have faith in this community that they will treat me fairly and look at the truth as determined by the court, not gossip,” he said.
“So I am getting on with my life and I want to give youth and people with depression hope that even in your darkest times there are people there to support you, things do get better and you do become stronger,” Liam Garment said.
If you are struggling with mental health issues, there’s always someone you can chat with on the phone or online at:
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